I don't have many friends on Facebook. It's mostly family, or people who I really connect with, are actually friends with, or who I have things in common with and enjoy sharing things with. This is because I share a lot of my private life on Facebook... and by private life, I mean things relating to my family. Pictures, updates, funny moments. I have even been known to share a frustrating moment or two, "fantastic, Ella has pooped all over the floor again! Why, oh why, did I have two kids?!" But my "frustrations" are mostly in good humour, and meant to tickle the funny bone of those of you silly enough to follow along with me on Facebook. I also use Facebook to share these blogs, a rambling, sarcastic look at my day-to-day life. You know what I don't use Facebook for? Dirty laundry.
Here's a secret. Danny and I fight. Sometimes the fights are really bad. And that's as much detail as you're ever going to hear about them from me. Because fights are private things, especially between a couple. I refuse to use our arguments as a reason to rally the troops, to gather my Facebook friends against his, to make him look like an idiot, or to put his wrongdoings out there to be judged by the online world of trolls. Because I am an adult. And I know better. Because I have more respect for our relationship, and for my husband, than to air our dirty laundry in a moment of anger. Even if Danny I were ever to divorce, because he couldn't stand the fame and fortune I amassed as a famous blogger, Facebook is still not the place to air our grievances. And yet, some people just don't get it. Every day, I see it. And wonder... what are you thinking? Do you know that for every "like" you get, there are at least 10 more people shaking their head at your foolishness? Do you really not understand how inappropriate your postings are? Here... let me sum it up for you!
Dear Facebook:
I'm having problems in my personal life... may I splatter your walls with my issues? I'm an adult, so technically I know that I should keep this shit to myself, but I really, really need those 23 likes! Also, even though are always 2 sides to every story, I can't wait to have my friends join in and make completely inappropriate and derogatory comments right along with me. The more friends who make nasty comments, the higher my maturity level seems to everybody!
Also, when my issues involve custody matters, I will be sure to demonize and vilify the other parent of my children. Because that's what all the cool divorced parents are doing. And because I can't seem to realize that a public forum like Facebook isn't an appropriate place to air these problems. Not only will my kids know about them someday, but it also makes people who would normally want to support me roll their eyes in disgust. And that's kinda what I'm going for! Sure, it would be more appropriate to discuss these upsetting matters with my family and close friends over a cup of coffee (or hell, even a cold beer!), but instead I'll share them with all of my 428 Facebook Friends. Same thing! Also, while addressing my ex, I shall refer to him/her only as "stupid asshole" or "fucking bitch" because it really makes me feel grown up to swear and call names.
Oh, and guess what else?! When I'm really jonesing for some attention, but I want to play it all cool, I'll throw out a really vague, yet somehow still incredibly personal, status, and wait for all my friends to ask me what's wrong, and then I'll either say I don't want to talk about it (even though that's the equivalent to sighing really loudly until someone notices) or I'll say "pm me," because obviously I can't give out all the juicy details on Facebook. I have boundaries after all.
Well, that's all the drama I have to share right now. Thanks for listening, Diary. Wait, you're not my diary, a perfectly appropriate and non-public forum in which to air all my troubles, anger, and burning desires?! Hmmm... ah well!! You'll do, Facebook!
That's right people. If you want to talk trash about your ex, you should probably do it around a bonfire in your backyard. If your boss is driving you bonkers, or your coworkers suck, do what the rest of us do. Smile politely at them, and then when you get home, drink a bottle of wine while you bitch to your significant other! Feel the need to write it down? The Dollar Store has some has really pretty diaries... some of them even have a nifty little lock and a key! That's right, a key. So you can lock that shit up where it belongs!
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